.Wednesday, June 17, 2009 Y
Back home. Yet hungry. but still..cant make myself to eat.
Past 12hrs on shift every min has been hell to me.
Sorry rahman. I shldnt have lie to you.cause i know if i dont lie to you. you wont agree to my decision. Sorry. I can see the disappointment in your eyes cuz i know since i join u've always wanted to groom me to become a AM.Sorry. My goal is no longer there. Sorry i cant meet your expectation. And sorry Eric for not replying u just now while on cab cuz i'm trying hard to control my tears. Cant blive i actually tears thru out the journey.
Sorry mama. I know this few days when u open the door u always hear me crying under the blanket yet u keep quiet and close the door back quietly just not to make me feel paiseh. but i know it. sorry. bu shi gu yi brk ur heart once agn. as u say ur son is useless.since young i am always letting u to worry abt me.studies even now my personal life. dui bu qi.
Sorry daddy. for not having breakfast with you. Every morning u sms me i said no. everyday i reach home jus to wait til ur car has left then i can come up. Just dont want u to see my swollen eyes.dui bu qi. ur er zi really useless. wo zhen de fang bu xia.
Tml is my BTT test.wil be taking bus 51 but no matter whether i pass or fail.only get to know the truth that she will no longer be seating outside sharing my joy and sadness. I've got no one to whine to anymore. all i left is myself.No matter i pass or fail i'll talk to u secretly inside my heart.
I've taken a day off for tomolo. Just hope to go to those places that i went wit her. i'm afraid sooner or later i wil not have anymore courage to step out of this hse anymore.b4 i could forget everything i wish to rmb it 1st.
i've been tearing once almost every 3-4hrs. wo zhen de shou bu liao le. why i know very clearly she wont be coming back yet the more i understand the more sad i am? everyone has been telling me "just forget her she's so heartless and can change heart jus within days" the more pain i feel. cuz i stil blive she's not like this!! why.......do u all know the more u all say my heart bleeds more?
How i wish i could be blind. so i wont be able to see the place and her image always appearing infront of me. i know she's very happy without me. i've aso decided not to bother her anymore. cuz i know i wont be able to see her anymore even if she wish to see me. cuz i no longer have e courage to see her. i dont wish her to see the pathetic look i'm now.i know she wont bother abt coming here to see how i am. cuz she has really forget.
Lastly, Mom really sorry. i really cant forget her. i can only tear alone while u'll are not around. i cant even hear her voice cuz i know i cant control anymore. all these years of pain..is still continuing.. thanks those that care for me. really thanks.i can only cry til make myself slp day by day. people say loving someone alone is no diff from being a zombie. Yes i am.
i love you deeply.......and stil loving you.......u said u would come to see me.i doubt u'll.u wont eva have time for me. u wont be appearing infront of me anymore. By reading your 06 entries makes me feel even worst..have u read back those entries??? have u?? everyday just hope i'll get awaken by my hp. cause i know it wil be you. but it wil no longer be that case. i will not no longer smile secretly to myself. no longer wil be seeing your backview.
written on 7:36 AM
